Dawn
by Sandiya
Summary: A Digi-destined is lying on death's bed. Angst? I think so. What do ya think? ^_^ My entry for Angel_Charity's contest.


This is for Charity's contest ^_^ I finally finished! Yay! =)  
  
Nobody belongs to me...nobody ever belonged to me...--sigh-- But Digimon's still cool. ^^  
  
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Dawn  
  
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"Love is the essence of life."  
  
I don't remember who said that, but whoever did must have loved someone and had the strongest bond ever if he could come up with poetic stuff like that. Probably he had been willing to give up the ultimate gift of living for the girl he was talking about. Wonder if he did.  
  
Wonder if it'd be nice to have the chance.  
  
Amazing how much life can change with a single happening.  
  
Even now, I'm not quite sure what really occurred. Something to do with the past, my voice box or larynx as the Doc refers to it, and cancer. Sure signs of cancer everywhere. After all the chemotherapy, doctors noted my white blood cell decline, but I still hear that overused speech about how I'm going to get better every single day.  
  
The Doc really needs to get a life. And give it to me.   
  
I guess the worst part of this is that I can't talk. Not that I would talk to the psychiatrist even if I could. It would be relieving to talk to Mom and tell her all the rotten things about knowing you're going to die, but I've worked on my facial emotions and I think I can trick her into believing I'm dying peacefully. I want her to believe it so that she doesn't cry herself to sleep at night...I know this because of the dark circles around her eyes, just like mine.   
  
In a few ways, it's not an illusion that I give her. I do have some things to be grateful for.  
  
But let's save that for later. Let's see, now I lie here in this hospital bed and read. I read newspapers, magazines, my palm, you know, everything. The pearly white door opens, and two of my dearest friends decide to accompany me. I wish I could yell at them to get out, give me privacy, leave me alone; but instead I smile and welcome them.  
  
It's really sad how they still try to hide their feelings in front of me.  
  
I wish they wouldn't pretend. At least then they wouldn't be acting so fake.  
  
He looks at me affectionately, an anxious though comforting warmth in his blue eyes. Well, before I would have found it comforting. The thing is, I don't need comforting from a traitor. How could he give me that look after what he did to me? I thought of him as my loving big brother. Thought. Now I don't know. He wasn't thinking of me when I caught him kissing her that day, dramatically on the lips.  
  
I never kissed her like that.  
  
She runs to my side, her glassy tears forming a waterfall to rival Niagra. Saltwater of sorrow, guilt, and fear mixed into a solution that gushes out of her eyes. Her thin, brown hair falls over my face, her shaking body thrust onto my chest. It aches, but I try not to think about it. It's at these moments that no matter how much I want to push her away, I can't forget that I still love her. And she loves me, I guess.  
  
But it's not the love Tai and Sora or Joe and Mimi have.  
  
She feels like I'm her brother.   
  
Strange. I probably would've been if I weren't going to die.  
  
Yamato and Kari.   
  
Who would've thought, huh?   
  
They go to leave. Together. They love each other. But it's hard to accept it.  
  
I wonder if I'll ever accept it.  
  
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Oh, there's that stupid door opening again.   
  
I bet my shadow that it would be the nurse, coming to give me another shot. I think it the shot's fault that I'm sick sometimes. It's so painful. My shadow laughed it off and answered that it would be someone totally unexpected.  
  
Ed McMahon would've been more unexpected.  
  
Anyway, I looked up at the diffusing light and blinked. The figure looked strangely like Tai, but that couldn't be right. Tai had already come in the morning and given me greeting; so who was it?  
  
"Hey, T.A."  
  
I rolled my eyes in response, now having no doubt to who he was. His constant mistake was getting really old.   
  
He chuckled nervously at my iciness. "I meant T.K., alright? Listen, I wanted to talk to you."  
  
My glare was plaintive. What else was there to do besides listen? It's all listen with these people. Honestly.  
  
Daisuke sat on the edge of my bed, looking at me tentatively. Maybe he was thinking about what he was going to say. If it's one more word about how good I look, I think I'll jump out of bed and kill him then and there. Opening his mouth, he gradually gave me a speech that sounded like this:  
  
"I can't believe this is really happening to you, Takeru. I wish it were me lying there instead of you; I'd be doing the world a favor if I took your place. If only I could. I used to hate you. But you knew that, right? Man, the very sight of you ran my blood cold; instinctively I knew we were enemies. When I first liked Kari, it was only a little crush, but when I found out you liked her too... Well, it just got into a war between us. I actually stayed with it because of the opposition; it gave me a purpose to wake up in the morning."  
  
He sighed. "Even now, I don't know what I'll do without you."  
  
Inside...well...I felt like laughing. I usually do when stuff gets serious. Funny that he says all this now. It would've been cool to hang out together more often.   
  
Then, "I don't know Yamato real well, but I feel glad that Kari has someone, even if it isn't me."  
  
My eyes widened. That...yes, I hadn't thought of that before. That was something to be grateful for.  
  
I caught his gaze then, and we exchanged a friendly glance.  
  
It was almost like I said, "Everything will be alright then."  
  
Daisuke gave me a reassuring smile to answer, "Yeah, it will."  
  
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When he left, I got to thinking. I signaled to the call nurse that I wanted something to write with.  
  
Dear Kari,  
  
I don't know if the world is the same as it always was when you're not mine anymore, Kari.   
  
Maybe it's just that I see it differently now.  
  
"Love is the essence of life."  
  
I think I'll write a book solely about that sentence, Kari-chan. I'll just have to add a little bit to it.  
  
"Love is the essence of life, even if it's not yours..."  
  
You and Yamato mean a lot to me. Love you both.  
  
-T.K.  
  
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Yamato and Kari. I hope the letter lets them know that I wish them all the luck in the world.  
  
Maybe one day their son will be my namesake. A little me would be cool.  
  
With that, I close my eyes, slowly succumbing to the winding blackness.  
  
You know... I never saw dawn from heaven before.  
  
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Naw, I don't like it either. ^_^ Anyway, please review! =)   
  
~Sandiya~  



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